The Wishlist of the Gaijin Tourist
Graham Street presents a humorous spin on the tale of a genie's three wishes...
The wish list of the gaijin tourist.
“So what do you want ?” The genie asked.
He paused for a moment before a pitiful “I don’t really know” came from his mouth.
“You are joking, right?” The genie said in an exasperated voice. “You do realise that everyone, in the entire world, has contemplated the prospect of finding a genie in a bottle and the prospect of being granted the customary three wishes.” The genie looked down at him from his purplish cloud on which he sat. An expression of annoyance now clearly painted on his cheeky genie face.
A few moments passed before the genie suggested “How about a trillion yen?”
“No thanks. Not really a big money person plus I don’t really want the hassle with the tax office both here in Japan and back home in England.” He paused before he exclaimed “To be honest I came to Japan for a holiday. To not think about money and all that. I am just a tourist“
The eyes of the genie went up into his head as he gave a audible ‘tut’. “This guy is an idiot” before being embarrassed at the realisation that he had been heard out loud. He had meant to say this to himself, but genies being genies, have no inner voice. He quickly suggested “How about the ability to fly ?”
“Oh that's a good one” he appreciatively replied “but I would hate to get shot down by the authorities. ”
‘May I ask something ?” The genie asked before continuing and without waiting for a reply “Why did you free me if you had no desire for wishes?”
“Wasn’t my fault” he exclaimed” I was simply walking the beach here at Matsushima when I came across this bottle. Your home I guess?”
“Ah Matsushima” The genie nodded a definitive yes to the question.
“I thought it was such a nice bottle, I began to give it a clean with me shirt sleeve”
“Ah” the genie said “ the definitive way to wake a genie. It’s all in the instruction manual” He, of the two of them, was the only one who laughed at this.
“I suppose there is one wish I have always wanted” The tourist said.
“Name it, o’ master, and it will be yours “ The genie boomed in his most magical of genie voices.
With the energy of those last words, the tourist put his hand to his heart and scolded the genie “Do you mind not being so theatrical please. Almost gave me a turn “
The tourist took in a few gasps of air and when he had felt his constitution returned he said
“I have always wanted to learn to understand Japanese. You know” He looked for an understanding with the genie “ To know what is being said. To be able to reply in fluent Japanese.” The genie was looking at him as he rubbed his chin. The man continued “Most of all I have always wanted to know what every single kanji character meant. How to read them. How to pronounce them. How to use them.”
The genie looked at him. “That is indeed a most desirable wish. Japanese is indeed a most difficult language. I can help with most of it.“
At hearing this, the man began to smile.
“However I cannot help you with all of it, I have to admit” The genie replied. “Giving you the ability to know every single kanji character could prove a problem” The genie said with a downcast expression on his face.
“May I ask why not ?” The man asked.
The genie paused, looking off into the distance before he returned his gaze to look at the man, “What you ask is possible but you have to understand the nature of the problem. There are over 50,000 Japanese kanji characters. That is a lot by itself. Most Japanese people only know a couple of thousand. Great scholars spend a lifetime learning as many as they can but never reaching so high a number. However, there is an even greater problem, you have to consider that most kanji characters are usually used in pairs and have a different way of reading depending on that pair. The numbers involved become astronomical”
The genie looked at him with a serious look on his face.
“I could grant you this wish of knowing every kanji character. However you would only have this ability for a couple of seconds.”
“Only a couple of seconds?” He asked “why is that?”
“Because after a couple of seconds, your head would explode.” The genie replied.