The Minka Manor

Graham Street offers a funny story about the influence of Japanese culture on a house.

Patrick's house was easy to spot from a distance. The houses in the street either had a small lawn or a driveway. In front of Patrick's house there appeared to be a zen garden. Bill parked his car and noticed that the garden was made up of a layer of small, white stones. They had been carefully racked into perfect lines that flowed around a larger stone in the middle. On top of which, a small bonsai tree was growing.

He left the car, walked up the path to the front door and rang the doorbell. It did not emit a typical ding dong sound, or chimes or even ring a bell. Instead he heard electronic muzak to the tune of Sakura.

The enhabitant of the house, Patrick, ran to open the door. They had met many years ago when they both lived in Tokyo. Both had been back in England for a while but this was the first chance they had had to meet up.

"Sorry for not inviting you over sooner," Patrick apologised. "We wanted to have the house ready."

"I like the zen garden," Bill laughed, "very Japanese."

"Thanks," Patrick replied, "I am glad you like it. I initially used course sand instead of the small white stones but the local cats kept using it as a toilet."

"Felistines!" Bill said as he entered the house. "No appreciation of culture."

"Let me show you round. Give you the grand tour so to speak, " Patrick smiled. "I think you will appreciate the Japanese influence." Patrick led him into the front room.

"Wow!" Bill exclaimed as he looked around. "Are those tatami mats?"

"Yep, had them shipped over from Japan. Totally authentic. Can you smell them?"

"Very Japanese," Bill remarked. "And a hori-Kotatsu," pointing towards the small table in the middle of the room. "Looks very cosy."

In the corner of the room was a small alcove.  "Is that a Tokonoma?" Bill asked. Patrick nodded. "Arent you suppose to put some flowers in there or a shrine or something? Is that looks a Derby County football club scarf."

"It is!" Patrick laughed. "The Tokonoma is an area for sacred objects."

"I like the spot light on it. Very arty," Bill replied. He looked at the small table again, "I see you have the hot plate out. I guess we are having yaki soba or okonomiyaki later."

"Could do. I was thinking of just ordering "makudonarudosu" delivery. Let me show you the back room," Patrick suggested.

They walked out the front room and into the back room next door.

The room was an absolute mess, books, papers, clothes were strewn across the floor. News papers and books were piled high against the walls. They reached up to the ceiling.  The walls, where they could be seen, were an off white/slight yellow colour. A jumbled mess of chaos.

Patrick, seeing Bills confused face said "I wanted to capture the ambience of a typical Japanese room when no visitors were expected." He laughed.

"Mari Condi, or whatever her name is, will not be pleased," BIll said.

"Mari Condi is invited to make comments and pass judgement only after she has children."

"What I wanted to show you was what is in the garden." They walked, avoiding the mess, to the window of the back room. Patrick pointed to the bottom of the garden where a wooden pagoda had been humbly set up. "That is a Japanese tea room."

"Blimey!" Bill exclaimed.

"Paper screens, tatami mats on the floor. You can open up the side to open it to the garden when the weather is nice and it is not raining."

Bill nodded his appreciation.

Patrick continued "Well I say Japanese tea room but I also use it to store me garden tools and me wheelbarrow."

"Upstairs next!" Patrick said.

Patrick, followed by Bill, made his way up the stairs to the top floor of the house. They walked into a large room at the front of the house "This is the master bedroom."

It was empty apart from a corrugated screen standing in the corner. The screen depicted a Hokusai painting of a winter scene. The floor, like the room downstairs, was covered with tatami mats. The sides of the room were paper screens.  

"At night," Patrick began to explain, "you pull out the futons to sleep on. In the morning you put them back into the cupboard after you have aired them outside."

"You sleep on the floor," Bill quized.

"Yes, very typically Japanese," Patrick exclaimed, "but the wife sometimes kicks me out when I snore. So I sleep in the bed in the guest room."

"Next let me show you the heart of the Japanese house, the bathroom." He took Bill and showed him a plastic room in which was a small box bath. Not long enough to lie down in, but deap enough to sit in fully emeresed in hot water."

"Typical routine. Clean and shower before you jump in the bath for a soak. Best way to ensure a good nights sleep."

"Why it the bath was full of water?" Bill asked.

"You keep the water in the bath in case of earthquakes," Patrick replied.

"But, we, don't, have, earthquakes, in England," Bill laughed.

"Ah, but I wanted to live typical traditional Japanese," Patrick replied, "and besides, you never know."

"Now, onto the most special item in the whole house," Patrick proclaimed proudly. "He pushed open the door of the next room to reveal a toilet."

"It's a toilet,"  Bill said dissapointedly.

"Ah!! but this is no ordinary toilet. This is a special Japanese toilet. None of your rubbish british toilet here ! This one has a warm toilet seat and other special features. Look! "Patrick proudly announced, It even has a remote controller." Patrick handed Bill a device.

"Why does it have so many buttons?" Bill asked.

"Well," Patrick hesitated as he looked over the device, "you have the on and off buttons. There is the flush level control. High, medium and low. It has the controls for that part that washes your bits and pieces. It has a temperature control. And this button," Patrick pointed, "is a button that plays waterfall sounds to cover up the sounds made when you are doing your business."

The two walked back down the stairs.

"So you really have gone Japanese in your English home?" Bill asked.

"I hope so, I fell in love with Japan and especially the home comforts." Patrick replied.

"I do have something I need to ask." BIll admitted.

"Sure" Patrick said "What is it?"

"Well you want to live the Japanese life, which is great I might add. You have a house decked out in Japanese style and Japanese devices." Bill said.

"Yep." Patrick nodded proudly.

"But with all that", Bill said "why do you walk around the house with your shoes on?"